I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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