Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
