bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
