how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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