i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Drake has all the answers
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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