You work out of a Hotel?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
