yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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