forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
