Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
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Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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