If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
