Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
