I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
