Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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