You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
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He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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