If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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