i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
