:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
my nose is crying tears of wow.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
