I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
