i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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