Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
