Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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