god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
