the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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