Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
