Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
