Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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