I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
