my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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