just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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