Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize