I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
