Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
