How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
