I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
