Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
