When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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