I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
