Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
