you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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