I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
