i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
