haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
