Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
