U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
