good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
