He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
