Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
