Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
