I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
