I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
