I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
