I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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