we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
