One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
