i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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