I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
