just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
