You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
