Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
