All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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