he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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