is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We have started to decorate penises.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
