We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
