mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
someone threw a dead crab at me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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