i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
