i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
