I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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