I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
