we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
pop tarts are not kleenex
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
