I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
