not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
