Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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