You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
