is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
