Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
