I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
