She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
