I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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