sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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