just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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