When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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